Little motivation post.

I'm sitting right now, in front of my computer, wondering what I want to ponder about. Although I already know, I just don't know how to explain myself.

Sometimes I know what I want to pursue in my life, other times like today, I just convince myself that I don't know and then I get depressed. What is wrong with me?

There are times where I feel all the motivation I need and start drawing. That happened about a 2 months ago, I just started drawing every day and posting my work on facebook and instagram. Then, a month ago, I just stopped again and all I've been doing on my free time is watching useless videos. Sometimes useful, but what good do they have if I don't take action.

The last blog I posted was a speech presentation I made for an activity at work. During that week, I promised to myself that I would work everyday to get rid of my anxiety towards public speaking. I started recording little audio logs in English so I can start improving my fluency, but then, I just stopped doing that as well. Although today I got myself to record 2 little audio logs complaining about my inability to keep consistency in my goals.

That is the story of my life. This always happens to me. I'm a very lazy person, way too lazy and way too scared and way too resistant to work on my happiness.

Now, I somehow found today the little motivation to write this little blog. So let's see how long I can keep this up. I'm not going to say that I'm going to write every day because I know I won't, but at least every other day.

Just like I've been fighting to not stop exercising. I'm doing that at least every other day for at least 15 minutes. Trying not to stop for more that 2 days at a time. I did it yesterday. I didn't get myself to do it today because again, lazy, scared, resistant etc, etc. Tomorrow though, 5 am, 15 minute of HIIT, then get ready for work because I have to take the metro. My car broke down again.

Good night, and hopefully (this is to myself) you will stick to the Every-other-day rule that you have just invented for yourself.

Let's take this seriously and work one day at a time, shall we. Please, please, please, take action already. Work on your happiness.

The mind is very powerful...

... it can make something as little as creating a 3 minute speech a very difficult task. In my case, it created lots of anxiety because it gets me completely out of my comfort zone. 

As far as I can remember, the thought of getting myself out there frightens me. For the longest time, I convinced myself that I would never be able to get over the fear of public speaking, I didn’t believe in myself, I was very tough with myself if I made a mistake, I was unkind to myself.

For the past 2 weeks, all those self defeating thoughts came right back, and all because of a very simple task. I’ve felt as if I was getting ready for a school presentation, back to those days where I felt really uncomfortable with myself. This got me thinking "why after all the work I’ve put into improving myself, this little thing gets me right back to square one?” 

My mind started going in circles until all of a sudden I remembered that even though I put myself down most of the time, there were also times where I was able to get over this fear. Once in middle school and once in highschool. I convinced myself that I could do it and I did it. I spoke in front of all my classmates and I felt confident.

So, why do I keep telling myself that I can’t do things? well because it is very comfortable and it doesn't require any energy whatsoever. It is very easy to stay within the comfort zone.

That been said, I've finally made the commitment that I am going to face my fears straight on and no matter the outcome, I'm not gonna put myself down if I make a mistake. In fact, I welcome all the mistakes I will make from now on. All of those have made me the person that I am today. I also told myself “enough is enough, just do it."

How does this relate to a social theme? well, we all have our own demons, we all make such a big deal out of very simple things. It all depends on how we use our minds. We can either make it work for us or against us. Is all about perspective

I would like to end this speech with a quote from one of my favorite movies, back to the future, where Marty McFly tells his father back in 1955 “George, there's nothing to be scared of, all it takes is a little self confidence. You know, if you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything” So, remember that every time you face your fears.

I don’t know what I want to write about…

I downloaded the Skillshare app and I’ve been watching at videos to find what I want to learn. I’ve watched at photography videos, video production, writing, and now Blogging basics. The problem with this is that I don’t finish the entire course, I get bored really fast. What the hell is wrong with me?

It’s been 10 years since the last time a wrote something online. I have written some stuff at the beginning of the year on my notebook, I might put that online as well.

For the last 4 weeks I’ve been working on myself. I’ve been eating healthier, I am exercising more often, I’ve been going to therapy to work on my emotions. Yesterday though, I didn’t feel like it so I made up an excuse, family dinner. It does not mean that I’m going to stop, just that I didn’t feel like getting my thoughts out. I asked to reschedule the meeting for next week.

Tomorrow, I have a second meeting with my personal trainer. So far, I’ve lost about 4 Kilos, not bad. As of this morning, June 14th 2019, I’m at 71.3 kilos. My goal is to drop down to 60 kilos, before years end. I just have to keep consistent about it and not stoping like I have before.

This last bit that I’m listening on the Blogging basics course, in a nutshell is to write every day to get better at it, because honestly right now my writing is crap, obviously. But it’s ok, The beginning is always the hardest.

I just find everything so boring, really. I’m still trying to find something of interest but I don’t know what it is. I might just go back to my basics, guitar practicing, that might help a bit.

WOW!! It's been a while since I last blogged.

And the reason for that is because I just really haven't been feeling up to it. I've been trying to figure out what it is that I really want to do, and I simply couldn't come up with anything so I decided to get another job, that way I can earn some money and at least have something to start with when I decide what it is that I want to do. Also, I need to buy me some furniture because since I've been living out of boxes and luggage for the past 8 months; that needs to change.

I know I said I was gonna find out what it is that I really want to do, but at this time I need to think of the things I need and the fact that I want to help my mom with the expenses. I am lost but at the same time it feels good to know that I will continue to earn a living... I hope I can come up with something better to do - that I will really enjoy - soon.

I start work tomorrow and the good thing about it is that I will be getting paid every week as opposed to every quarter of the month. That's it.... I'm out for now.

Affiliate Marketing

I've always been curious about this concept, and many others as well, where one could be able to make money without having to waste 9 or 10 hours a day - maybe even more - trying to make a living; feeling a slave, "helping" others make more money than what you earn on a monthly basis.

It's been a dream of mine not having to go to work since I learned that at a certain age, we all have to start thinking about getting a job. It's just mind-numbing and stressful, I've been there already and I don't like it. I don't want to spend my life away working for somebody else. I wish I could find a way to make money working for myself and not having a boss telling me what to do all the time. To be able to choose when and how many hours a day I want to spend working.

A couple of weeks ago, I thought to myself "well, maybe I should start looking for ways to make this happen" and so I did, and still am. Just 2 days ago, I found out that thousands of people are actually making their income out of affiliate programs over the internet. What I've learned so far is that Affiliate Marketing is a revenue sharing partnership between a web merchant and one or more affiliates; a business rewards one or more affiliates for each visitor or customer brought about by the affiliate's marketing efforts. That to me sounds incredible, but I'm not really sure how to get started. It seems easy from the outside, but I'm actually finding it a bit difficult coming up with ideas on how to promote any type of product.

So I keep on searching, learning about marketing and promoting products. All of a sudden, I come across this website Maverick Money Makers in which they promise to teach you all the steps and techniques to instantly start making money online. They will teach you how to promote products, the best affiliate partners that you can find, tips on how to get started if you wish to become an affiliate; they even have some videos up showing you how much money they make on a daily basis. It sounds pretty convincing to me so I'm going to give it a try and see what happens. You know what they say, if you don't risk a little then you'll never win big, or so I've heard, but what's a little investment on the future that I want for myself. The only way I will find out for sure is by trying it. If it doesn't work out, when then we can always start over and try something else.

I quit my job

It happened on Monday. I woke up and just realized I would not take another day feeling the way I was feeling; stressed, upset depressed... so I decided to quit. The next day I almost regretted it but my dad made me see that there was no problem at all. My parents back me up 100%. Now I have to look for another job :(...

Maybe the reason I was feeling bad yesterday is because the supervisor told me that I was the best at what I was doing and that I was on the top list to become senior supervisor. All that sounded pretty cool and all but what is the point if I didn't really liked what I was doing, let alone becoming sort of a leader to others. So I decided not to waste my time or theirs. What's the point of doing something you don't really like just for money? Time will tell me if my decision was the right one... I have to keep going now, there is no turning back and to tell you the truth, I feel free again :D

Monday was a nightmare!!!

So, this is a follow up to my last blog. Monday I went to work, I took calls and it was horrible. I felt like I wanted to quit cuz it was too much. I even cried at night. It was a mixed feeling, not only I wanted to quit, but I felt bad because quitting is not something I like to do. Anyways, next day, even though I felt horrible and more nervous than the day before, I made it through. I made less mistakes, and I was able to deal with it with more ease. Now I have today and tomorrow off because I will be working on weekends. I guess it's all about repetition, getting use to it, and I'll do my best to keep going, ,not matter how bad a day can be, I need to keep going.

That's it for today, hope I can keep this blog habit going if only once or twice a week.
Take care.

I'd like to share a little something with you...

I got this job in a call center over a month ago. Training just ended yesterday, so we begging with the actual calls on Monday. I took the job because the calls will be in English, in fact there is a policy in the company where we are only allowed to speak English the majority of the time, so I figured that would be a great way to keep practicing and get better at it. I'm a little nervous though, and that's why I'm writing this. This is my way of getting all that "fear" out of my system. I've dealt with customers before in person and on the phone, but never having to cover so many aspects like the greeting, identify, solve, verify and close things that are required for me to get good grades on, so to speak. If I don't cover one of those, I loose points and that will not be good for my over all performance. I really want to keep this job for as long as I can, not only for my family but for myself as well. I want to show myself once again that I can do anything I set my my mind to. This is really helping by the way. So yeah, that is the deal with me right now. When I get to start something new, I always get nervous, so I guess this won't be the last time. The important thing here is that I am willing to confront it as many times as it is required for me to master it. I always do anyways :D

Cheers

Sucks to be sick!!!

So I took the weekend off from everything because I started to feel sick on Friday at work. I've got a couple shoots so far and I'm starting to feel better, and I still have 2 more to go. I hate shoots and I hate getting sick because when I'm finally staring to get on track with my exercise routine, this happens and it feels I have to start all over again, not to mention the fact that I have to go to work. Those 2 don't go together at all. Anyways, it is what it is.

Since I didn't do much this weekend, I had a lot of time to think about the things I believe in, one of them being vegetarianism. I year ago I decided to become vegetarian, and I did. I lasted about 6 months. For what I remember, I felt great during that time. Why did everything change? I came back to Mexico. I know that's not an excuse but unfortunately my belief system wasn't as strong as it is becoming right now. I grew up on Mexican food after all and I admit, after 10 years of not tasting the good seasoning us Mexicans have, I became weak. Now I feel bad though, all that hard work thrown away for a little weakness is not the way to go. So I've decided to start all over again, get rid of the meat once and for all because I know that's what makes me feel better, inside and out.

Well, that's it for today. This was rather a long blog compared with the previews ones. You have a great day. :D

Daily blog part 5.... I don't really have an original title., that's why :S

What's up anyone who just happened to stumble upon this mild reading. I just ate breakfast right after my daily workout routine. My legs and shoulders are a bit sore, so I'll take it easy tomorrow. Also, tomorrow the world cup begins so I'm exited about it, Mexico vs South Africa...it shall be good!!!!. Work it's getting a bit easier now so I don't feel so stressed out... and that's about it, just trying to get a blog in everyday for as long as I can. :D

Have a good day.