Little motivation post.

I'm sitting right now, in front of my computer, wondering what I want to ponder about. Although I already know, I just don't know how to explain myself.

Sometimes I know what I want to pursue in my life, other times like today, I just convince myself that I don't know and then I get depressed. What is wrong with me?

There are times where I feel all the motivation I need and start drawing. That happened about a 2 months ago, I just started drawing every day and posting my work on facebook and instagram. Then, a month ago, I just stopped again and all I've been doing on my free time is watching useless videos. Sometimes useful, but what good do they have if I don't take action.

The last blog I posted was a speech presentation I made for an activity at work. During that week, I promised to myself that I would work everyday to get rid of my anxiety towards public speaking. I started recording little audio logs in English so I can start improving my fluency, but then, I just stopped doing that as well. Although today I got myself to record 2 little audio logs complaining about my inability to keep consistency in my goals.

That is the story of my life. This always happens to me. I'm a very lazy person, way too lazy and way too scared and way too resistant to work on my happiness.

Now, I somehow found today the little motivation to write this little blog. So let's see how long I can keep this up. I'm not going to say that I'm going to write every day because I know I won't, but at least every other day.

Just like I've been fighting to not stop exercising. I'm doing that at least every other day for at least 15 minutes. Trying not to stop for more that 2 days at a time. I did it yesterday. I didn't get myself to do it today because again, lazy, scared, resistant etc, etc. Tomorrow though, 5 am, 15 minute of HIIT, then get ready for work because I have to take the metro. My car broke down again.

Good night, and hopefully (this is to myself) you will stick to the Every-other-day rule that you have just invented for yourself.

Let's take this seriously and work one day at a time, shall we. Please, please, please, take action already. Work on your happiness.

The mind is very powerful...

... it can make something as little as creating a 3 minute speech a very difficult task. In my case, it created lots of anxiety because it gets me completely out of my comfort zone. 

As far as I can remember, the thought of getting myself out there frightens me. For the longest time, I convinced myself that I would never be able to get over the fear of public speaking, I didn’t believe in myself, I was very tough with myself if I made a mistake, I was unkind to myself.

For the past 2 weeks, all those self defeating thoughts came right back, and all because of a very simple task. I’ve felt as if I was getting ready for a school presentation, back to those days where I felt really uncomfortable with myself. This got me thinking "why after all the work I’ve put into improving myself, this little thing gets me right back to square one?” 

My mind started going in circles until all of a sudden I remembered that even though I put myself down most of the time, there were also times where I was able to get over this fear. Once in middle school and once in highschool. I convinced myself that I could do it and I did it. I spoke in front of all my classmates and I felt confident.

So, why do I keep telling myself that I can’t do things? well because it is very comfortable and it doesn't require any energy whatsoever. It is very easy to stay within the comfort zone.

That been said, I've finally made the commitment that I am going to face my fears straight on and no matter the outcome, I'm not gonna put myself down if I make a mistake. In fact, I welcome all the mistakes I will make from now on. All of those have made me the person that I am today. I also told myself “enough is enough, just do it."

How does this relate to a social theme? well, we all have our own demons, we all make such a big deal out of very simple things. It all depends on how we use our minds. We can either make it work for us or against us. Is all about perspective

I would like to end this speech with a quote from one of my favorite movies, back to the future, where Marty McFly tells his father back in 1955 “George, there's nothing to be scared of, all it takes is a little self confidence. You know, if you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything” So, remember that every time you face your fears.

I don’t know what I want to write about…

I downloaded the Skillshare app and I’ve been watching at videos to find what I want to learn. I’ve watched at photography videos, video production, writing, and now Blogging basics. The problem with this is that I don’t finish the entire course, I get bored really fast. What the hell is wrong with me?

It’s been 10 years since the last time a wrote something online. I have written some stuff at the beginning of the year on my notebook, I might put that online as well.

For the last 4 weeks I’ve been working on myself. I’ve been eating healthier, I am exercising more often, I’ve been going to therapy to work on my emotions. Yesterday though, I didn’t feel like it so I made up an excuse, family dinner. It does not mean that I’m going to stop, just that I didn’t feel like getting my thoughts out. I asked to reschedule the meeting for next week.

Tomorrow, I have a second meeting with my personal trainer. So far, I’ve lost about 4 Kilos, not bad. As of this morning, June 14th 2019, I’m at 71.3 kilos. My goal is to drop down to 60 kilos, before years end. I just have to keep consistent about it and not stoping like I have before.

This last bit that I’m listening on the Blogging basics course, in a nutshell is to write every day to get better at it, because honestly right now my writing is crap, obviously. But it’s ok, The beginning is always the hardest.

I just find everything so boring, really. I’m still trying to find something of interest but I don’t know what it is. I might just go back to my basics, guitar practicing, that might help a bit.